The period of separation distress varies from person to person. Often, once they live together, they get busy and no longer set aside time to be together. One of them is that they fully opened their hearts to each other. Who has affairs, and why? So a couple should seek professional help to deal with the aftermaths of an affair, not only to possibly heal their relationship but also for their own psychological well-being. Do you see conflict as a problem rather than as a learning opportunity? Sharing your learning and growth with your partner can lead to the excitement and newness that you had at the beginning of your relationship, and that excitement and newness can then show up on the bedroom. Date nights or date days on a weekend work wonders! While love is much more than skin deep, it's definitely sexy to some people see their partner taking physical care of his or her physical health and fitness.
For example, some of my clients find that the only time they have great sex is when they are on vacation. Knowing you are very important to your partner can give you the safety to be free in the bedroom -- to experiment with things you've never done before, to let your partner in on your fantasies, to create some mystery such as special date nights where one partner is in charge of the day or the evening. Then the betrayed partner can be progressively exposed to situations that provide further reassurance they can trust their partner without having to constantly check on them. Sexiness may include many things -- an inviting smile, being flirtatious with your partner, and alluring clothing, as well as a fit and healthy body. So a couple should seek professional help to deal with the aftermaths of an affair, not only to possibly heal their relationship but also for their own psychological well-being. Many of my clients have complained that their spouse was healthy and fit when they got married and isn't now. If one or both of you are controlling -- with judgment, criticism, anger, blame or neediness -- the other person may shut down to not be controlled. They did not allow their fears of rejection or their fears of engulfment the two common fears that often get in the way of creating a loving relationship to get in the way of their love -- at least not permanently. Choosing to stay or go Overall, therapy seems to work for about two-thirds of couples who have experienced infidelity. Intimacy and passion do not flourish without time together to play, learn, grow, share and connect. For more by Margaret Paul, Ph. Time for Connection When people date, they set aside time for each other -- time to connect, to share, to learn and grow and have fun. Without the necessary skills to heal the issues, a partner may engage in an affair as an ill-equipped way of attempting to have their needs fulfilled — whether these be for intimacy, to feel valued, to experience more sex, and so on. Often, what goes on outside the bedroom is reflected in your sexual relationship, so if there is emotional distance and resentment in the relationship, that may be affecting your lovemaking. However, this rate increases to around a third of couples when you include emotional infidelity. Who has affairs, and why? But despite the blunt belief infidelity is the result of immoral and over-sexed individuals wanting their cake and eating it too, the reality is far more nuanced. Studies into why people cheat are many and varied. Control Most people like to be in control, but they hate being controlled. Safety, by Allowing Each Other to Be Truly Important to Each of You Speaking of 50 Shades of Grey, aside from the raunchiness of these books, there is much in them about creating a truly loving relationship that maintains passion. This same issue comes up over and over with my gay clients as well. I've often heard women say, "When I visit my husband at work, I'm so turned on to him because he is coming from his personal power, but as soon as he gets home, he turns into a needy little boy and all the turn-on is gone. Unresolved conflicts can create resentment, which may lead to a lack of being attracted to your partner. Those low on these measures appear more likely to have an affair. This often leads to shutting down your feelings. And it's not just heterosexual couples who struggle with this. To begin learning how to love and connect with yourself so that you can connect with others, take advantage of our free Inner Bonding eCourse , receive Free Help , and take our Week eCourse, "The Intimate Relationship Toolbox" - the first two weeks are free!
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