IQ points are great, but that's just a piece of smart. Sometimes it's just the little things that instantly make someone else sexy — and we all have our list of items. Sometimes I remembered how a t-shirt clung to one man's shoulders, or how another held my gaze unabashedly over a glass of wine. Recently someone who follows my Instagram posted this question on one of my photos: While pure physical looks play a big part in attraction, we all know there are countless other factors that make your heart flutter, your stomach drop and your whole body to get hot and bothered.
This means he can tell you what he wants, when he's afraid, how you make him feel, what he did that he's made amends for, what he's overcome, what brings him to his knees. Vulnerability -- A man isn't strong unless he is also vulnerable. Critical thinking, an unquenchable thirst for learning, and a gift for distinctive self-expression create, for me, a kind of male siren's song. Mindfulness -- Not that long ago, I was attracted to men so ambitious that they appeared to be driven by motors. I have no time or patience for men who play games and control women in order to feel like men. Being polite in general. When I was younger, I tended to like men who were tall, thin, and dark-haired. Compassion, empathy, a ready smile, an easy laugh -- these traits and actions are disarming in the best sense of the word. It's not sexy to sleep with someone who holds back physically or emotionally in bed. Most attractive thing ever. While they may dazzle in the beginning, womanizers, scoundrels, and narcissists use lies, cheap tricks, and smoke and mirrors for personal gain. And the brand of humor is critical. Partnership -- The only place I want to be dominated is in the bedroom, and that still requires my consent. It's impossible for me to connect with someone who's ultra-literal, hyper-serious, and rarely laughs. It's an ambience distilled from quiet authority, an ability to read my body and my breath, a sensual lingering in the moment that may or may not involve gazing in my eyes, but always requires a desire to be vulnerable and present. I let my mind wander over images of men throughout my life who have made my breath catch, and my skin tingle, just by being in their presence. But now, at 52, I don't really have a "type. In all other contexts I want a man who doesn't try to dominate me, who understands the need for compromise, reciprocity, communication, and respect. Mindfulness -- the ability to be aware and present in the moment, even if that moment is painful -- is the ultimate form of ambition because it requires a commitment to personal growth that is not for the faint of heart. One benefit to being 52 is that I've finally learned what to look for in a man. Integrity -- This ingredient separates the boys from the men. There's nothing wrong with someone who fits that description -- but razzle-dazzle wears thin quickly without substance to back it up. A sexually charged man who is in command of his urges and firmly situated in his sexual expression will turn me into a breathless, perpetually aroused Alpha Submissive in no time flat. Generosity -- Stinginess is a turn-off. Did I notice eyes? Sexual confidence -- True sexual confidence has nothing to do with penis size, smooth moves, and bedpost notches. A soft kiss on the back of my neck as he walks by.
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